Yuri-Atachi

Hello everybody,

So it's been a long time since I've posted a journal entry and I figured why the hell not post one now? A lot has been going on in my life so now might be the best time to do so.

So in January I moved for the first time in my life; my fiance and I decided it was time to take the next step and their sister was about to have a baby so we moved to help take care of them. Well, their sister's husband, to put it nicely, is a mother fucker who that I can't stand. I've known him since Elementary school and he's always been a manipulative, lazy, abusive s.o.b., so of course having one of my best friends/my fiances sister not only marry him but decide to have a baby with him, I knew she would need my help. Anyways, that move was kind of... stressful.

As I mentioned before I had never moved before, ever. I've lived in the same house with my parents since the day I was born until I was 22 years old, so moving four hours away from my parents and little sister was a big deal for me. I kind of fell into a depression at the big move, but then the baby was born. Valentines Day, at about 4 in the evening my fiances sister's water broke and we went to the hospital. 25 hours later she gave birth to a healthy, yet tiny, baby boy we'll call "J.J." just to keep things anonymous.

My fiance cut the umbilical cord, I held my friends hand and talked her through the birthing process, and their mother stood beside me and kept her from panicking. Her husband, the baby's father, sat in the corner and played video games on his phone the entire time. He didn't talk to her, didn't hold her hand, didn't even acknowledge the situation until hours after the baby was born. Even then he didn't pay any attention to his son, and only asked when they could go home because he was "bored". Like, his son was four hours old, his wife absolutely exhausted from being in labor for 25 hours, and he wanted to go home. Not because it would be more comfortable for her and the baby but because he didn't have his video games to entertain him.

Two days later they brought the baby back to the 1 bedroom 1 bath apartment and I started my job as a Nanny for the newborn baby as well as helping my friend with everything she needed. Her husband only ever paid attention to the baby if his wife asked him to do something with him. He didn't change his diaper, feed him, or even look at him unless it was asked of him.

About a month after the baby was born we moved into a 2 bed 2 bath apartment so my fiance and I could have our own room (thank god, because by that time I was done sleeping on an air mattress in the middle of the living room floor). Then, on April 10th my fiance and I got married. We had been dating for 6 years and been friends for over 10 so we finally decided it was time. We didn't really tell anybody we were getting married, hell, their mom didn't even know until the day before the wedding and my parents knew just because I was asking about wedding dresses and stuff. (My mom ended up buying me a dress, it's navy blue in color and it has POCKETS!).

Things were good, we started planning the next step of our lives and on Mother's Day my now spouse bought me a kitten named Maria, to help with my Anxiety, Depression, and physical disabilities a pet was necessary. (We went with a kitten because of their sister's allergy to pets, a kitten sheds less at first and would give her time time needed to adjust to the fur in the house). Again, things were good, my spouse loved their job, "J.J." was healthy, and my now sister-in-law was back to work. Her husband on the other hand had gone through 5 jobs since we had moved here in January so that was a bit stressful for all of us.

Maria helped my mental health but my physical health quickly became worse and worse with no clear answer why. I had terrible chest pain, I was constantly throwing up, I was dizzy, and confused all the time. There was more than once I fainted because of high fevers and dizziness. Well, one day this got so bad that I tripped over a cement dog statue I have in my room (don't ask why we have something like that, I've had it for years and refuse to get rid of it), well of course, I broke my toe on it and that ended up being the final straw for my spouse. I was put on bed rest until my foot healed which meant the baby needed somebody else to watch him.

His father decided that he would watch him. He used my injury and illness as an excuse not to find another job and while he took care of his son for two days it quickly became obvious that it wasn't going to work. I would be resting in my room and the baby would start crying, but instead of taking care of him like he said he would, he just let his son scream and cry for hours. I finally just decided my physical health didn't matter at that point, I wasn't going to let this tiny baby be neglected. I was supposed to stay off my foot for two weeks, I only managed to get three days of rest before I had to put myself aside and take care of his son because he was too "busy" playing his video games.

Thank god my sister-in-law is observant and I tell my wife everything; because they noticed that I was pushing myself again after a day and a half. So, my sister-in-law found a new nanny that lived about a mile away. She made her husband get a job and things started working out for the better again. My sister-in-law would take the baby to the nanny first thing in the morning so my spouse could sleep (they work night shift), and so I could rest. At the same time her husband worked early morning shit and would pick up the baby the moment he got home (around 2). From that point on he was supposed to watch the baby until she got home at 6.

Again, that lasted a couple of days before he began neglecting his son once again. It was worse this time though. Much worse. He refused to change his son at all, and at this point the baby was starting to eat more solid foods meaning his diapers were fuller. Still, he left the baby on the floor in dirty diapers, crying and sobbing until I finally decided to once again start pushing myself to take care of the baby. His excuse was always "he just changed him", which I could tell he hadn't. The babies diaper would be stuck on him, the crap caked onto him because of how long it had been sitting there.

Well, it got worse and worse. On the days he didn't work it was extreme because he had the baby before and after seeing the nanny. Well, one day, the day the nanny had off, the babies screaming was really bad. I had been throwing up all night so I was exhausted but after about an hour I finally decided enough was enough. I went out and saw he had bundled the baby in a thick blanket so he couldn't move around the floor and had left him there. I, of course, unwrapped the baby and was instantly pissed. The baby was soaked, his diaper had been on for so long that it had burst and his clothes were soaked from the tips of his toes to his collar. That instantly set me off, I laid the baby down and stripped him from his clothes, getting more angry by the second because this child's hands, toes, and lips were turning blue he was so cold.

Then I took off his diaper and it was all over. The diaper rash was so bad the baby had blisters that were BLEEDING all over his ass. So I went off, and said; "Well I'm going to change you, because obviously your father isn't capable."

Of course, that didn't go so well. He threw a freshly made bottle and hit me with it. Thank god it hit me and not the baby who was between my legs where I was changing him. Then his "father" went into his bedroom and hid there until his wife got home. I called for my spouse to help take care of the baby and when I went into the bathroom a little while later I had a six inch bruise on my thigh from where the bottle hit me.

We didn't speak after that. At least not in any kind manor. He tried to be my "friend" but I was sick of him. The second he got home I took the baby and we stayed in my room until his mom came home. It didn't matter how sick I was physically the baby was my main concern. His wife started to fear leaving the baby alone with him, but she thought he could get better. He didn't.

Months passed; things were awkward and tense in the house. My depression and anxiety got so bad that it took my spouse hours sometimes even days to get me out of my depressive sometimes suicidal spells. My parents tried to convince me to go back home, but if I'm being honest, they're not much better than my "brother-in-law" when it comes to emotional and physical abuse. So I felt trapped. I could either live with the new abuse or go back to the old abuse.

Then, at the beginning of September, my brother-in-law fucked up again. He got violent again, started throwing things at his son and that was the final straw. My sister-in-law kicked him out.

Now, bless my sister-in-law's heart. She is one of the sweetest people I know and believes in second chances so after a couple of days of him being out of the house she let him come back. Now, those couple of days that he was gone we all slept great, the house got cleaned for the first time since we moved because he wasn't here to mess it up as soon as we were done, and most importantly the baby was happy. He giggled for the first time, he was healthy, and he even called me "Dada" (SUCK IT "Baby Dad"). But the moment he came back the baby started screaming, he cried himself to sleep more than once, the house was INSTANTLY a mess again, and none of us felt safe.

She of course kicked him out again, and a week and a half later he was back again. He stayed two nights the same kind of results with the baby and the rest of us. We didn't feel safe. She kicked him out again and he threatened suicide and was committed to the hospital for a week. Then his parents and family dumped him on us again saying that it way mine and my spouses fault that he was acting this way. That it was our fault their lives were falling apart and that we were manipulating my sister-in-law to believe that their relationship was unhealthy. They refused to take care of him.

But the beginning of October was finally the final straw. We were all willing to give him another chance because he was "sick" and we had finally figured out what was wrong with my health. I would need surgery on the 8th and we would need the extra help taking care of the baby. He didn't even bother trying to help out around the house, he was mean to his wife, mean to his son and once again neglectful, I was scared to leave my room again, and the situation was just getting worse. My sister-in-law was scared for her safety and was considering leaving in the dead of the night with her son to protect them, but thank god she didn't because that would have left my spouse and I with the asshole and all his abuse.

So, with her permission we asked him to leave. She told us if we needed to, threaten to call the cops to make him leave the apartment so we were all safe. My spouse and I loaded up the cat, the baby, and ourselves in the car and said, and I quote; "We talked to "sister-in-law" and all decided that we can't have you around here. We're going out for a couple of hours and we would appreciate if you were gone by the time we came back. Please, I don't want to have to call the cops on you."

Of course he instantly got violent. We loaded up the car and as we were leaving he bursts out of the apartment saying he's going to call the cops on us for kidnapping "J.J.", of course we had the mothers permission so I shouted back "Go ahead, you're the one who's a danger to your son. Have at it." Thank god I was in the car by this point because he then said, "If you were out here, I'd be the shit out of you!" Then stormed into the house.

All plans to go shopping at that point went out the window. Instead we went to my sister-in-law's work and told her the situation. On the way though, we called the police because, despite how much I can't stand him I know my sister-in-law cared for him as a friend still. I didn't want her to have to deal with the guilt of him hurting himself, so we asked officers to check on him.

By the time I got off the phone we had been told that he was trying to file a claim that I had not only kidnapped his wife, but his son as well. Of course, this was a lie and he was instantly caught in this and was pissed when he realized his wife was with us willingly. At the same time his father was calling my sister-in-law and my spouse, threatening them both with physical harm and calling them horrid names.

We stayed away from the house for a few hours to let the police get the situation figured out and also to make sure he left. We went back after four hours, just in time for my spouse to go to their job. My sister-in-law took them to work and I stayed with the baby at the apartment so he could sleep. Well, apparently the asshole hadn't left, he was waiting for my spouse to leave. Well, I got the baby to sleep and went into the bathroom sick yet again because of my physical problems (the one I needed surgery for). There was a knock on the door at this point, and I didn't even have time to unlock the bathroom door before he starts trying to break down the front door.

Scared, I quietly snuck out of the bathroom and listened in. He was talking to somebody. His sister, who had driven up to help him "get his stuff". She was encouraging him to "Break the window and grab the baby and leave" as he tried to break down the side door. (we have a glass door to a patio that leads into the apartment). So, scared for the babies safety I picked him up and snuck him into the bathroom, and locked ourselves in. I called my sister-in-law and whispered the situation. She hung up with me and called the cops while he continued trying to break in.

I gathered what little bravery I had and went into my room, laid the baby on the bed and began packing all the things the baby had in my room into a backpack. I even snuck into the kitchen to grab his food and bottles. I then packed myself and my spouse a pair of pajama's and the medication my spouse needs, but didn't bother with mine because I couldn't find it and I didn't want to make noise while looking for them.

The police arrived just as I put my cat back in her carrier and of course his sister was shocked and said "who called the cops" like, WHO THE FUCK DO YOU THINK, BITCH?! Thank god my sister-in-law arrived at the same time because they had tried to convince them to kick the door down because I was "holding the baby hostage".

Now, because we called the police a few hours earlier the cops already knew the dad had a temper and was dangerous to himself and others, so they were very aware of the situation and the dangers. But because the dad was on the apartment lease they couldn't keep him away. So instead they made us all leave. We gathered what we could carry on our backs, loaded up the car and left. Thankfully I have cousins who live a half hour away so we stayed with them. But we knew we would have to go to the apartment a few days later because of an appointment with a surgeon.

Thankfully my sister-in-law works fast. She started looking into divorce, a protection order for myself and the baby, new jobs for herself, a safe daycare, and everything else she needed. But a few days later we had to return to the apartment. Surprise, he was there, but thankfully he was gathering the rest of his shit and taking himself off the lease.  He told us he would never come back and was shocked when we didn't care.

So yeah, that started to calm down a little bit and that following day I saw the surgeon. He decided to run some blood to figure out how "bad" my situation was. If he thought it could wait until Tuesday he was going to push it off, but if it was really bad he was going to rush me in that day. Well, I got my blood drawn and went home and an hour later I got a call.

"Hey, I'm from "hospital", I'm calling to help you prepare for your surgery tomorrow."

My reply of course was, "I have surgery tomorrow?!"

Well, following day I had surgery. Now I have four holes in my abdomen. One right under my ribs, two on my right side, and one in my bellybutton. I was told I would be better in two weeks. Well, it's been three weeks since then and surprise I'm still sick, in incredible amounts of pain, and can't do anything alone. And now I have a flu bug which was brought home from the daycare from "J.J."

The situation with my brother-in-law, soon to be ex-brother-in-law hasn't changed. He lives with his sister and constantly harasses my sister-in-law asking for "one more chance". He only now has started buying things for the baby (my spouse and I bought the baby his crib, chair, and medication. The baby's mother buys his food and the clothes are mostly from the church, until now he has never bought him anything). But thankfully my sister-in-law is out of second chances, or so it seems for the moment. She's meeting with a divorce lawyer in a few days which is needed to file a protection order, and is working to make sure her son is safe.

My spouse is going through things of their own though, but their situation is about to get so much better! They get their first shot of testosterone in December and if all goes well they will have their FTM chest surgery near the beginning of the year! I'm so happy for them, or rather, Him. His family doesn't care about the situation as much as they should and his father is straight up against it. My parents are a bit against it too, but I'm at the point where I"m not afraid to tell my parents to "fuck off" my husband will finally be comfortable in his body and that's all that matters to me.

We're all hoping my health get's better and that the reason I had surgery was actually what was casing all my problems, but as sick as I am I'm scared I had surgery for no reason. It was good inspiration for my stories though, this pain is intense!

Oh! Another thing that I forgot to mention that is really funny/embarrassing! (Sorry the end of this journal is all over the place, I feel miserable and my brain is foggy). When I first woke up from my anesthesia, I looked at the nurse and asked "Is my spouse okay?" Like... I JUST HAD SURGERY AND MY FIRST QUESTION WAS IF MY HUSBAND WAS OKAY!? Like, I don't know why that was my first question, but my husband and the nurses all found it adorable. I'm embarrassed as hell about it, but it made my husband feel loved, so that's good at least.

Anyways, that's a bit of an update about the shit I've been through this year.

(For those who were curious, this is Maria and her glorious eyebrows.)

Stolen from De-Mythical-Luz-Wolf

A
[x] Achluophobia - Fear of darkness.
[x] Acrophobia - Fear of heights.
[x] Agliophobia - Fear of pain.
[x] Agoraphobia - Fear of open spaces or crowds.
[x] Aichmophobia - Fear of needles or pointed objects.
[x] Amaxophobia - Fear of riding in a car.
[x] Androphobia - Fear of men.
[x] Anginophobia - Fear of angina or choking.
[ ] Anthrophobia - Fear of flowers.
[ ] Anthropophobia - Fear of people or society.
[ ] Aphenphosmphobia - Fear of being touched.
[x] Arachnophobia - Fear of spiders
[ ] Arithmophobia - Fear of numbers.
[x] Astraphobia - Fear of thunder and lightning.
[ ] Ataxophobia - Fear of disorder or untidiness.
[ ] Atelophobia - Fear of imperfection.
[ ] Atychiphobia - Fear of failure.
[x] Autophobia - Fear of being alone.
Total: 11

B
[ ] Bacteriophobia - Fear of bacteria.
[ ] Barophobia - Fear of gravity.
[ ] Bathmophobia - Fear of stairs or steep.
[x] Batrachophobia - Fear of amphibians.    
[ ] Bibliophobia - Fear of books.
[ ] Botanophobia - Fear of plants.
Total: 1

C
[ ] Cacophobia - Fear of ugliness.
[x] Catagelophobia - Fear of being ridiculed publicly. (heavy breathing*)
[ ] Catoptrophobia - Fear of mirrors.
[ ] Chionophobia - Fear of snow.
[ ] Chromophobia - Fear of colors.
[ ] Chronomentrophobia - Fear of clocks.
[x] Claustrophobia - Fear of confined spaces.
[x] Coulrophobia - Fear of clowns.
[ ] Cyberphobia - Fear of computers.
[ ] Cynophobia - Fear of dogs.
Total:3

D
[ ] Dendrophobia - Fear of trees.
[x] Dentophobia - Fear of dentists.
[ ] Domatophobia - Fear of houses.
[x] tychiphobia – fear of accidents.
Total: 2

E
[ ] Ecophobia - Fear of the home.
[ ] Elurophobia - Fear of cats.
[ ] Ephebiphobia - Fear of teenagers.
[ ] Equinophobia - Fear of horses.
Total: 0

G
[ ] Gophobia - Fear of marriage.
[ ] Genuphobia - Fear of knees.
[x] Glossophobia - Fear of speaking in public. (OMG YES)
[ ] Gynophobia - Fear of women.
Total: 1

H
[ ] Heliophobia - Fear of the sun.
[ ] Hemophobia - Fear of blood.
[ ] Herpetophobia - Fear of reptiles.
[x] Hydrophobia - Fear of water.
Total: 1

I
[ ] Itrophobia - Fear of doctors.
[x] Insectophobia - Fear of insects.
Total: 1

K
[ ] Koinoniphobia - Fear of rooms.
Total: 0

L
[ ] Lekophobia - Fear of the color white.
[x] Lilapsophobia - Fear of tornadoes and hurricanes.
[ ] Lockiophobia - Fear of childbirth.
Total: 1

M
[ ] Mageirocophobia - Fear of cooking.
[ ] Melanophobia - Fear of the color black.
[ ] Microphobia - Fear of small things.
[ ] Mysophobia - Fear of dirt and germs.
Total: 0

N
[x] Necrophobia - Fear of death or dead things.
[ ] Noctiphobia - Fear of the night.
[ ] Nosocomephobia - Fear of hospitals.
Total: 1

O
[ ] Obesophobia - Fear of gaining weight
[ ] Octophobia - Fear of the figure 8.
[ ] Ombrophobia - Fear of rain.
[x] Ophidiophobia - Fear of snakes.
[ ] Ornithophobia - Fear of birds. (smol dinosaurs)
Total: 1

P
[ ] Papyrophobia - Fear of paper.
[ ] Pathophobia - Fear of disease.
[ ] Pedophobia - Fear of children.
[ ] Philophobia - Fear of love.
[x] Phobophobia - Fear of being afraid.
[ ] Podophobia - Fear of feet.
[ ] Porphyrophobia - Fear of the color purple.
[ ] Pteridophobia - Fear of ferns.
[x] Pteromerhanophobia - Fear of flying.
[ ] Pyrophobia - Fear of fire.
Total: 2

S
[ ] Scolionophobia - Fear of school.
[ ] Selenophobia - Fear of the moon.
[ ] Sociophobia - Fear of social evaluation.
[ ] Somniphobia - Fear of sleep.
Total: 0

T
[ ] Tachophobia - Fear of speed.
[ ] Technophobia - Fear of technology.
[ ] Tonitrophobia - Fear of thunder.
[x] Trypanophobia - Fear of injections.
Total: 1

V-Z
[ ] Venustraphobia - Fear of beautiful women.
[ ] Verminophobia - Fear of germs.
[ ] Wiccaphobia - Fear of witches and witchcraft.
[ ] Xenophobia - Fear of strangers
[ ] Zoophobia - Fear of animals
Total: 0


Final Totals: 26
I'm afraid of alot of things

I'm weird and I have more than one XD anyways! I figured it was time for an update.

Where do I start? Well I finally reached 80+ followers on Tumblr, I don't know how many I have on D.A. but I know I follow like a million people and a handful I look up to like a creepy stalker girl XD

I came up with another O.C. for TMNT so now I have like a million but my mains are the Twins: Nathan and Nala (Natalie)
The mom and daughter duo: Artemis and Annie
Then the girl who was once wealthy and is now living in the sewers named Marina (who is a cute little dolphin girl)

I've been reading a lot more than I've been writing, and I've been studying to get my G.E.D. (General Education Degree) It's the next best thing for High school Drop-outs such as myself.


If it weren't for my cousins helping me I wouldn't even be as far as I am though, which kinda sucks because they're only in 8th and 10th grade and they know more than I ever did. We figured out that I literally only have about a 5th grade math education so we've been working on times-tables. 

I know that everybody wants me to get it but I'm so scared. God I'm literally crying again! DAMN IT I'M SUCH A LOSER!

Ugh, bad Sandi.

In other news I ran over a bird the day before yesterday when it flew under my tire.

I'm such a horrible person.

*sigh* this was supposed to be a good journal and now look at me, I'm letting my depression get the best of me again. I'm sorry I'll go now.

Hey, for anybody who was curious my operation went fine, there were no complications besides the fact that I had a full blow panic attack when they stuck the needle with the numbing stuff into my arm. To say the last I was scared out of my frigging mind.

I'm going to take a day maybe two off of writing Dimensional Love and hopefully that little break won't kick my train off the track but I guess we'll find out.

In other news I am just hoping a little that my depression pills start working again now that I'm off of the other stuff my doctor put me on. I dunno though so if I seem a little sad I'm sorry and just be sure that none of you guys have done anything wrong, unless I say anything other wise. But I'm hard to upset most of the time. I have also gotten very obsessed with Sonic the Hedgehog and Sonic Boom ya'know XD It's cute. Especially this handsome man.

He reminds me of a mix between three of the four ninja turtles.

I mean he's always hungry and fun loving like Michelangelo.

He has a bit of a temper and those beautiful green eyes like Raphael.

And he's a leader a blue leader like Leonardo. Then again I always somehow manage to find that qualities in characters all over T.V. I don't even know it's a bit ridiculous in a way. I'm obsessed what can I say.